


Missing Piece

by armadil_Lo



Series: City Lights [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: AHOT6 - Freeform, Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake AH Crew, From 6 to 5 :(, GTA AU, He's not dead, I miss Ray, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, OT6, Panic Attacks, They miss Ray, This prompt was perfect for letting out some feels, but it's not the same
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 22:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5719705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/armadil_Lo/pseuds/armadil_Lo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Geoff's angry. Angrier than he's ever been. It's burning and consuming but <em>easy</em>, easier than sadness or pain or fear.</p>
<p>Jack's barely functioning in everyday activities, a vice wrapped tightly around his wounded heart. Once the strongest, now the most fragile.</p>
<p>Ryan's slipping back into old habits, withdrawing back into bad headspaces. And he doesn't seem to want any different.</p>
<p>Michael's working himself to the bone - coming home exhausted, always with new injuries he gladly lets the others patch up.</p>
<p>Gavin's gone quiet. Seems more thoughtful. Doesn't appear to be working through his hurt at all.</p>
<p>And Ray--</p>
<p>Well. Ray isn't there anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rooftops

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whalehuntingboyfriends](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whalehuntingboyfriends/gifts).



> "Basically I had the idea for a FAHC/AHOT6 story where it's been years and Ray just kind of.. falls out of love with them. So he makes the decision to leave. He explains this to them all and says he hopes they can be friends. After he's gone, the others are hurt by it. Because even though there is still five of them left in the relationship, it was still a break up and break ups suck. The balance starts to fall apart as they all deal with Ray's leaving differently. But they're them and they pull through and start to heal. Maybe at different paces, but still together."
> 
> Anonymous prompt/submission open to use that I found on whalehuntingboyfriends's tumblr. I figured I would gift this to her so that the anon can hopefully find what I've written as they said they would like to. They had a lot more in the idea too, including Jeremy later joining the relationship in place of Ray, but I decided to just focus on the parts I thought I could write. I condensed the prompt above accordingly. :)

If Ray's honest with himself, it's been building up for a long time.

 

His frustration at Gavin sometimes feels more real than it ever did before - and even he can't hear the underlying fondness in his voice anymore when he snaps back. 

He's started resenting Geoff for being so busy all the time, for hardly being at home and often putting the crew, his empire, above his relationship.

Ryan's touch just doesn't create that same sparking sensation across Ray's skin like it used to, just doesn't feel as special or precious as it once did.

When he's standing there next to Michael watching a building explode into flames with the older man's wicked grin in the corner of his eye, he can't quite bring himself to grin as well.

He finds Jack's often silent presence too suffocating at times now, or occasionally too boring; he doesn't find being alone with Jack a comforting escape anymore.

 

It's all the little things that start piling up. Gavin is suddenly too messy and loud for his liking, Geoff simultaneously and frustratingly hardworking yet lazy, Ryan too stoic when Ray _needs_ him not to be, Michael abruptly becoming his least favourite to spend time with, Jack's gentleness coming off as overbearing. 

At first he thinks it's just his anxiety flaring up like it used to in his teenage years. His brain simply overworked from putting so much effort into this relationship for a long time now and has just decided to stress over every social interaction he has with them, stress over every little thing he normally loves about his boys.

Except.. that's the thing, isn't it?

He normally loves his boys. Does he still?

 

And at the same time he starts to realise that maybe he doesn't, he starts spending more time up on rooves. Just by himself, most times with his gun. He'll stare out at the skyline or look through his scope - not looking to kill, just observing. Like he used to between jobs, back before he joined the Fake AH Crew. Sometimes his mind wanders up on those Los Santos rooftops. He can almost believe it's just himself again, going through the paces, spending weeks at a time without needing to even use his voice. Just him, his gun, and the strangers he sees through the scope.

He can't help but feel disappointed each time one of the boys interrupts. Calls out his name, or sometimes asks "What are you doing up here?" They drag him away and every time another door to rooftop access closes behind him, Ray can't help but feel his heart sink, can't help but feel just a little more bitter towards whoever is pulling him away this time.

 

After feeling like this for weeks, a heist pops up. Well, it doesn't so much as pop up as it just seems to come into fruition. They've been planning this gig for months now, after all. But out of nowhere the Fake AH Crew gets the go ahead. The all clear. The roll out.

And it's during this heist that Ray knows he can't go on like this for much longer.

This heist in particular - while one of the most creative and dangerous and exciting they've ever pulled off - just isn't _fun_. It doesn't get Ray's heart pumping. There is no adrenaline coursing through his veins. It feels like the same old thing he's been doing for years now and-- when did he get sick of doing heists? When did the thrill wear off? When did he start getting tired of hearing the others' voices in his ear as he works?

He doesn't know how to answer those questions. Just knows what the reality is now.

 

Ray can't stay.

 

He thinks about just disappearing once. Getting up in the dead of the night, packing a bag, slipping away. No note, no explanation, no apology. No trail. Just gone.

But there's too many flaws to that plan. Ryan's an insomniac - light sleeper at best - and would hear Ray move about. Even if he made it past that hurdle, without a note, the others would jump to all kinds of conclusions. Think he'd been abducted somehow, or double crossed them, or convinced to work for somebody else maybe. They'd look for him twice as hard. And Gavin's the hacker - he'd find Ray for sure on some camera footage somewhere. He'd be brought right back in no time. Unless he left the city right away - but then where would he go?

Except immediately after pondering this, Ray realises it isn't just the logistics stopping him from going through with it, from up and running. It's that he just can't do that to them.

He knows by now that he isn't in love with them anymore. That faded over time somehow. But he did love them once, for many years, and he's always going to care for them. _That's_ never going to change. He's never going to forget what they did for him, all the memories they shared. And Ray _knows_ his boys. This is going to crush them no matter how Ray goes about it. But giving them a reason will hurt less in the future - maybe they'll come to understand, and Ray will certainly feel less guilty.

 

So he has to do it face to face.

 

And that's how he finds himself now, sitting at the breakfast bar of the kitchen in the latest safehouse. It's only been three days since the heist, and it shows - in the gleam of Geoff's eyes, in the bandages on Ryan's arm, in the loud laughter of Gavin and Michael and the small smile on Jack's face as they fool around.

But then Ray clears his throat and all eyes are on him.

While he was sure they hadn't noticed him gradually pulling away, they definitely notice the sullen expression he's wearing now.

 

"What's wrong, X-ray?" Gavin asks, his bright smile shifting to one of slight concern.

_Just tell them. You have to. You can't stay._

Words get caught in Ray's throat and he ends up opening and closing his mouth like a fish - or like an idiot.

All of their expressions are soft, worried now. _Loving_. It hurts knowing what he's about to do to that.

After what feels like a lifetime, Ray manages to blurt out two words in a croaky voice: "I'm leaving."

None of them understand it at first, that much he can tell. Geoff comes to sit in the stool directly opposite of Ray, frowning in confusion. "Okay? What for?" he asks.

_What_ for? _It's not_ for _anything - except maybe for myself._

"It's not-- Not for a job or anything like that," he finds himself mumbling instead.

"Then why?" Jack presses. They all seem to have drifted closer to Ray and suddenly he feels too hot under his hoodie. He ducks his head just to escape their gazes and collect his thoughts.

A hand is placed firmly on his shoulder. Ryan. "Where are you going, Ray?"

Deep breath. "Out of town."

"Yeah, but where out of town? And why?" Michael's tone is still light with real confusion and _they don't get it, they don't_ get it _yet, they're not listening, they don't understand the gravity of the situation._

"Do you want some time off?" Geoff is asking. And he supposes that might be logical to him - the days immediately before the heist were intense, and Ray knows they're not expecting a break up out of the blue. "I can organise a holiday for us all if you nee--"

"I'm _leaving_ ," Ray interjects, jerking his head back up to look at Geoff square in the eye. He's desperate to make them understand, because he can't stay, he doesn't love them anymore, he wants to be alone again. His words come out sharper than he intended them to but he just can't think of any other way to express all that he's felt over these past few weeks, months. He didn't _want_ to fall out of love with them. But he has and he can't help it and, and "I'm sorry," he breathes, waiting for the penny to drop.

There's a beat of silence. Two. And then--

Gavin exhales loudly, like all of the air he had inside of his lungs was just pushed out at once. His mouth falls slack and his shoulders slump as Ryan stiffly removes the hand from Ray's shoulder from where he's standing beside the younger man. Ray glances up to see Ryan crossing his arms - but it looks more as though he's hugging himself. His jaw is set and he's gone completely rigid, steeled himself. But Ray sees the hurt clouding his eyes and can't look at him. Turns back to Geoff to see him completely devastated. Jack, Michael too. Wearing their hearts on their sleeves and their hearts have just been stomped on.

"I-I'm _sorry_ , it just.. doesn't feel the same for me anymore," he explains weakly. It doesn't help anything.

"What do you mean?" Jack is the first to speak up. Like he needs more. Ray isn't sure he'll like what little more he has to offer.

Goddamn it, he thought he wouldn't feel guilty this way. He feels fucking terrible.

"I mean... I mean that I-I don't.." He can't say it. He _can't._

"You don't _what_ , Ray?" Michael snaps. And there's hurt in his eyes too, but there's still some disbelief, like it hasn't quite sunken in yet, like he still wants to think Ray isn't doing this right now and _shit, I have to fucking say it, don't I?_

So he does, just barely loud enough for them to hear.

"I don't think I'm in love with all of you anymore."

And suddenly it's a flurry of noise.

Geoff immediately starts pleading with him - _"Ray, you don't mean that, please. We love you, we love each other, you can't just leave."_ \- Jack is asking questions Ray just doesn't know how to answer - _"When did you start feeling like this? Where are you going to go when you leave? Are you going to come back?"_ \- Michael's still over by the toaster, swearing profanities under his breath - _"Fuck... fucking shitty asshole dickbag fucking moron. Shit._ Fuck _."_ \- Ryan's just breathing deeply beside him - _in one-two-three, out one-two-three, in one-two-three_ \- and Gavin, curled in on himself now with legs tucked up on the chair, is making small whimpered noises - _"No, no, no, no, no..."_

Ray is the only one left in silence until he hears Jack ask _"Are you sure?"_ because--

"Yes, I'm fucking sure!" he bursts out, jumping up from his seat. They stare at him with various degrees of horror and hurt, stunned into silence once more. Until Michael runs out of the room. Ryan strides after him not a second later. And suddenly _why does it feel like they're leaving me when I'm supposed to be the one leaving them?_

He's left with Geoff, Jack and Gavin just staring at him with unreadable expressions now. It's almost like that one yelled sentence has cut all ties between him and his boys and now he doesn't even know them well enough to be able to tell what they're thinking. But that strikes a sudden flare of panic in Ray because he still refers to them as his boys, he doesn't want to _lose_ them, he's breaking up with them but that doesn't mean they have to go their separate ways _completely_ -

"I'd still like to be friends one day," he tries. The remaining three don't react. "Maybe. If we can," he tacks on, defeated now. Jack and Geoff avert their eyes and Gavin just gives him a numb nod.

Ray sighs and quickly slips away now too. It's quiet in the building. Ryan and Michael are nowhere in sight and he goes to the bedroom to pack a bag. Although this is a safehouse, most of the things he needs have migrated here during the process of the last heist.

The final thing Ray picks up and packs away is his bright pink sniper rifle. He holds it in his hands for a second longer than necessary, just feeling the familiar weight for a moment. Reveling in the cool metal against his skin. It's a comfort.

And when Ray leaves the safehouse, leaves Los Santos, finds himself in a brand new city, the first place he heads to is the rooftops.


	2. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for: one panic attack (the first time I've written one) and one extremely vague reference to past self-harm.

The first thing that each of them does afterwards is different.

Well the first thing they all do is put distance between themselves and everyone else, but the second things the five of them do after Ray is gone are all different.

Michael leaves the safehouse when he really shouldn't to go blow up some shit that he's meant to blow up a week from now anyway. Jack locks himself in one of the bedrooms to cry quietly behind closed doors. Ryan also leaves the safehouse and returns to the main penthouse a day early, buying himself a pack of cigarettes along the way. Gavin curls up on the sofa and stares blankly out the window, eventually starting to absentmindedly playing games on his phone. Geoff can only do what he has to do and starts making calls - because Ray didn't just break up with them, he's left the crew as well.

 

None of them talk about it.

That's their first mistake.

 

Two days after Ray left.

Jack thinks he's the only one who's cried so far. Under any other circumstance, it is him who the others seek comfort and reassurance from. But now, with Ray leaving them out of the blue, things seem to have flipped. It's Jack who has ended up the most visibly hurt. He doesn't understand - love is the one thing he believes in the most in this world. Their relationship is the only good they can hope to have. Apparently Ray didn't see it that way. And every time Jack thinks this, his throat closes up and tears start welling in his eyes.

Jack steps onto the balcony of the penthouse to get some fresh air, but he isn't alone.

Geoff is standing there, fuming, breathing heavily. His entire body is tense, facial expression set hard. Jack's seen him angry before, but this Geoff is _livid_ about what Ray has done. He glares now at Jack, daring him to speak, to come close, to touch him. And Jack almost doesn't - but then he spots the blood running down Geoff's fingers and rushes forward.

"What happened?" he asks, picking up Geoff's bloody hand. He realises the blood is coming from Geoff's knuckles.

Geoff doesn't get any less stiff, but he lets Jack inspect his fingers and his glare softens a little. "Punched the wall," he grumbles, gesturing with his other hand to the concrete beside him. Jack can't help but wince on Geoff's behalf, which prompts a hasty "It doesn't hurt that much."

"You're angry," is all Jack finds he can say - and it's a gross understatement, he knows. Geoff abruptly pulls his hand away. "Why are you angry?"

A short grunt that almost sounds like a warning growl is what he gets in response.

But Jack knows they have to talk about it eventually. So he tentatively persists. "Are you angry at Ray?"

"Yes, I'm fucking angry at Ray," Geoff snaps, crossing his arms and stepping away.

"Why?" It comes out as barely above a whisper.

Geoff bursts into shouts and wild hand gestures. " _Because_! Fuck, dude, because Ray left us and I'm allowed to be angry, okay? I'm mad at him and I'm mad at myself and I'm mad at the world because nothing can fucking fix this and nothing will ever be the same again. Get it?" 

_No. I don't think I do. It just sounds like_ \-- "Are you going to leave next?" There's a lump in Jack's throat again.

"Wha- _Jesus_ , no. _No_. I'm not going anywhere for fucks sake," Geoff replies. But his words do nothing to reassure when there's no comforting touches, or even some eye contact, to help.

"It kind of sounds like it."

"How?" Geoff finally looks back at Jack, with a glare once more. "How does me being angry remotely sound like I'm going to leave?"

Jack shrinks under that look. He shrugs, looks at his feet and decides to drop it.

Maybe that's just him projecting. Maybe that's just the only way he can say he doesn't want Geoff to leave too. But the older man doesn't seem to understand that.

Jack walks back inside the apartment.

 

Three days after Ray left.

Ryan hadn't smoked in three years. He gave up the disgusting habit and swore to never go back, but he can't deny now that it stops his hands from shaking and makes it infinitely easier to _breathe_ again - once the coughing subsides that is. He falls back into the routine quickly and somehow finds himself spending a lot of time smoking up on the penthouse roof now. He smokes up there partly because he doesn't want the others to know he's doing it, and partly to feel somewhat close to Ray again. It is where he and the younger man used to spend a lot of time together.

Ryan's just put his mask on inside the apartment for the first time in months - years maybe - when he hears a noise from the bathroom.

It's Jack, and Ryan knows immediately that something is wrong. The man's breathing is too laboured, his knuckles turning white from gripping the edge of the sink so tightly. He's having a panic attack and Ryan knows he has to step in.

So he does, except when Jack looks up to the mirror and only sees the black skull behind him, Ryan knows he's made a mistake.

Jack sinks to the floor now, frantically breathing like he can't get enough air in. Ryan quickly pulls the mask off and crouches in front of the man. He feels helpless as he watches Jack struggle - tries calling out to him, tries to get him to take deep breaths, tries to get him to calm down a little. Nothing works, none of the techniques he's used to bring himself and others down from panic attacks in the past. Ryan can only guess that Jack would calm down at this point if Ray were here.

When Jack's breathing eventually starts to even out and he drops his hands from where they were clinging to his throat, slumping tiredly against the bathtub now, Ryan can only hand him a glass of water. Jack gives him a grateful nod and sips at it. Ryan shuffles over so he's beside Jack and hesitates before putting an arm around him and letting the other man curl up next to him on the bathroom floor. 

There's a long silence between them before Jack whispers, "He's not coming back."

Ryan doesn't answer.

 

Eight days after Ray left.

Geoff's coming to realise that he and Michael seem to have swapped roles. Aside from making calls on day one, bringing the others back from the safehouse on day two, and taking care of things here and there over the past week, he's barely been able to concentrate on work. How can he run his empire with a level head when all he feels is this blazing _fury_ in the pit of his stomach? He's constantly agitated and ready to bite the head off of anyone who talks to him. Even his remaining boyfriends. That in itself is a hassle, because he knows they did nothing wrong, but he can't help it.

Whereas Michael is the one going out every day to actually work.

Geoff's in the living room when Michael returns. He looks up at the sound of the door opening. Michael steps through-- and promptly collapses onto the floor.

"Shit!" Geoff exclaims as he jumps up and rushes over. Michael is trying to haul himself up from the ground, but he's badly injured and can't move more than a few inches. "How the fuck did you even get home?" Geoff shakes his head and starts pulling him up. The younger man groans in pain. "Sorry, buddy. I gotta get you over to the couch."

Five minutes later and Geoff is patching up Michael after he learns the lunatic took on a three-man job by himself. He's cussing out his boyfriend as he gently disinfects wounds and presses on bruises to look for broken bones, puts bandages in way too many places and even does a makeshift job of stitching up one knife wound. Michael has the audacity to not even look apologetic as he lies on the couch with his eyes lidded.

Geoff packs away the first aid kit and sits by Michael's legs with a sigh. He should have seen this coming. Michael's been out every single day, working himself to the bone. He's exhausted when he returns. Nobody else from the main crew has been with him, keeping an eye on him, helping him. Geoff should have been organising things better - should have actually been running his damn empire. The world doesn't stop just because of heartache. Especially not the criminal world.

"You're the only thing keeping us from going under right now," Geoff informs Michael. He looks down at the tattoos on his hands instead of the younger man's battered face. "Thank you."

"..You don't have to thank me," Michael weakly croaks and reaches out for one of those tattooed hands. 

But even as their fingers entwine, Geoff feels guilt start to replace his anger.

 

Ten days after Ray left.

Gavin feels like he should have processed it by now. Feels like he should have felt more than twinges of worry for the others these past ten days. Feels like he should have experienced his own hurt. But he only feels numb, and compared to the drastic reactions of the others Gavin isn't sure he's reacting to the break up like how he should be. Until it finally hits him he supposes, the best he can do is keep tabs on the others.

But Ryan is a slippery bastard.

It's only just occured to Gavin now to check the rooftop access. Sure enough, when he makes his way up there, Ryan is standing by the edge smoking a cigarette, mask discarded on the ground beside him. Gavin just watches him for a moment. He's fallen back on that mask like a defense mechanism, wearing it around the house and around the others like he hasn't done in years, since back when he didn't trust them and they hardly trusted him in return. Gavin knows Ryan is withdrawing. It's almost as if he just finds it easier to hide behind that menacing black skull than have the others be able to read his expression.

Gavin takes one step towards Ryan and the man whips around to face him. He hurriedly stomps out the cigarette as Gavin approaches and shoves his hands in his pockets, looking back out over the city. Gavin stands next to him, looks at Ryan out of the corner of his eye. He looks haggard. Lost, hurt. Vulnerable. It's no wonder he's taken up wearing the mask again.

Gavin's no good with stuff like this.

"Doing alright?" he asks quietly.

Ryan avoids eye contact as best as he can. "Yeah," he says. Or tries to say. What really comes out is no more than a pathetic whimper. 

Gavin reaches out to touch his arm but Ryan quickly sidesteps when Gavin's fingertips brush skin. He ducks his head and folds his arms. There's a beat of silence before Gavin sighs lightly. There's so much more he could be saying right now. _I know you're not. I know what the mask means. I know what the smoking means. I know how Ray leaving must have effected you. I know you have scars - and not just the battle kind. I know it isn't good right now but I_ don't _know if it's that bad._

He doesn't say any of this out loud. He leaves Ryan alone on the roof once more.

 

Thirteen days after Ray left.

Michael wasn't sure where his rage had gone at first. It fizzled out just a couple of hours after the last time he saw Ray. Instead, all he has left to fall back on is this strange lethargy. Michael has been throwing himself back into work, trying to help out Geoff's underlings, trying to get everything done still. It helps everyone but Michael himself - he knows he's spreading himself thin. But this is all he has left right now. That familiar anger he would normally seek out when he needs it has disappeared on him. Like Ray took all of Michael's fight away with him.

He can't even be annoyed at Gavin for not showing any emotion over this whole ordeal.

Despite Gavin's crippling fear of rejection, he somehow seems the most okay with all of this. Michael keeps expecting him to break down, to start blaming himself, to show the same insecurity he used to at the beginning of the relationship.

Gavin does none of this.

Michael seeks out his boi and finds him sitting on the bed using his laptop. He has his earphones in but he glances up when Michael limps into the room. Offers a tiny smile. "Hi."

"Hey. What are you doing?" He sits on the edge of the bed.

"Watching old video clips. Remember when I went through my filming phase?" Michael nods. "There's still a whole bunch of crap, but a lot of it is funny." Gavin looks back down to his laptop and taps the touch-pad like he's pressing play again. 

Michael shuffles up the bed so he's lying beside Gavin, resting his head on his shoulder and watching the screen too. He can faintly hear the tinny noises of laughter through Gavin's headphones as he watches a younger version of himself do some stunt in the pool. The camera zooms out and he watches as the rest of them come into frame - Geoff, Jack, Ryan. And of course, Ray. 

Ray is grinning, looking just above the camera. At Gavin, who was behind it. The expression this younger version of Ray wears is unmistakably one of complete adoration. It makes something twinge in Michael's chest. He didn't realise until now how unfamiliar that expression became.

"I miss him," Gavin suddenly whispers. Something in his tone makes Michael look up. As he suspected, the younger boy is crying. Not sobbing, but there are tears silently slipping from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. Michael rests his head back on Gavin's shoulder and drapes an arm over his chest. He feels Gavin lift his far arm and then an earphone is being tucked into his ear. Michael reaches up quickly to fix it and soon they're both silently crying at the antics in the videos, sad bursts of laughter sometimes escaping them.

Michael supposes this is the most he will get out of Gavin.

 

And suddenly it's been two weeks.

Two weeks since the world opened up beneath their feet and swallowed them whole, since everything they thought they knew went up in smoke. Two weeks since the day that came out of the blue for all of them, a sudden change that snatched the floor from beneath their very feet. 

What's left is a disjointed group of people who can barely seem to function anymore.

 

Their next mistake is the fight.

It's the first time they've all been in the same room together in two weeks. Geoff has finally forced them to eat a meal together, but there's dead silence. At least at first.

None of them can really pinpoint how the argument starts. Nor how it escalates. But somehow it ends up with them ganging up on Gavin for showing such little emotion, cornering him until he's forced to snap.

"Stop it!" he yells. "Stop looking at me like I'm so damn fragile! Bloody hell, I'm not the one taking this the worst! Look at Jack--" He flings an arm in said man's direction. "Crying himself to sleep and clinging to us more than we ever did to him. Ryan's pulling away, trying to set up those old defences again. Guess what, prick? We see straight through it! And Geoff, you've turned into angry Michael, and Michael. Boi, you're turning into Geoff when he works really hard when times are bad for the crew." Gavin shakes his head now. "But times aren't bad for the crew, they're just bad for _us_. I'm not- not bottling things up or whatever you all think. Just because I haven't been talking about it with you, doesn't mean I haven't been talking with anybody at all. Maybe I haven't said a lot to you because _you_ are the ones so cut up about it! But.. _I_ get it, okay? I get where Ray is coming from, and we're still _friends_ , and that's _something_ isn't it?"

The other four exchange glances from where they all stand spaced out across the room.

"...He said we _could_ be friends in the future maybe," Jack supplies. He sounds miserable still.

It only frustrates Gavin more. "We're _still friends_ ," he repeats firmly, looking at the frowns on the rest of their faces.

"You say that like you've been talking to him or something," Geoff cuts in bitterly.

"I _have_!"

There's a long silence as that information sinks in.

Michael speaks up first. "So have I. A little bit." When all eyes in the room turn to him, he hurriedly tacks on "It helps. He still loves us-"

"Bullshit," Ryan interrupts, hurt.

"-just isn't _in love_ with us anymore," Michael finishes, a little fiercely, shooting Ryan a small glare.

There's even more silence. The gents seem to have given up the fight and Gavin sinks into a chair with a huff, Michael just watching everyone in the room carefully.

And somehow it isn't even all that surprising that Gavin and Michael have been keeping in contact with Ray, working through their hurt with the very person who caused it. Maybe it isn't surprising because Michael and Gavin were the ones Ray fell in with first - the two bois effortlessly becoming the three lads. Or maybe that's exactly why it _should_ be surprising. Because they should be cut up, hurt, betrayed. But instead they're leaning on Ray as heavily as they always have when things go wrong, like nothing has changed except for an adaptation in the type of love Ray feels for them.

And.. maybe that _is_ all that's changed.

"Look," Jack starts softly. "We're all different people. We're all going to deal with this differently. But.. so long as the five of us are still together, we can work it out." And there it is again - that endless hope, that blind love. Ryan almost wants to protest, but Jack is right. There's still five of them left in this relationship. There's still five people who all love each other. 

And that's what they should be holding on to.

Geoff steps forward and reaches out his hands, takes Gavin's hand in his right and Jack's hand in his left. The others take the cue and come together in the middle of the room, linking hands in a circle.

It still feels like there's a missing piece. And maybe that won't go away any time soon. But as they give each other gentle smiles and kisses on cheeks and reassuring squeezes - and then laugh at how fucking sappy they are - they realise that one day they will be okay like this.

That's the first thing they do right.

**Author's Note:**

> This is. The longest thing. I have written. In so long. Omg.
> 
> It is also thoroughly unedited oops.


End file.
